Snapshot Sunday

I woke up this morning feeling the need to travel somewhere I haven't been in a while. Dylan came over and we ended up in Wickford.


Everything there is so quaint! I love this house. Especially the colors.


Also, this bridge is really cute.


After a while we ended up back home.


I made us the most delicious quesadillas: black beans, bbq chicken, avocado, scallions, and monterey jack.


Then I remembered that it's been 5 days since my sea monkey eggs hatched, so it was time to feed them!


This brought me much joy.


Then I went to work, where I made Jess a veggie/fruit penis sculpture. Someone built her one at her coffee shop job this morning, so she wrote a post on Facebook speculating that there probably wouldn't be a veggie penis at her "other" job. WRONG!



Then I went to buy everyone coffees except I had to go to Honeydew AND Dunkin. By the time I got to Dunkin I was so flustered that I couldn't speak. I meant to ask for a cinnamon raisin bagel twist but instead asked "can I have a cinnamon bagon raisil twist?" The woman taking my order promptly replied "sure!" but I was still mortified, haha.

Snapshot Sunday

Midnight Sunday was spent with Ryan. He loves Willard.


And also me too.



Here you can see Ryan singing Rihanna, yelling "DISPERSE," and performing a scene from Intervention.


Then I woke up, where Jared and I fought on AIM. We love to fight. And by we, I mean I.


Then I donned my worm boots and headed to work. Also, I had a dream that the Chinese baby next door was playing with a worm outside. I cried.


At work, SBHM (smelly boat hat man) came in wearing some sort of orange pod. It covers his entire head except for a small sliver where you can see his eyes and mouth. I have a theory that it's one giant body sock, and this disturbs me greatly. ANYWAY, he told me that if he were alone in a room full of 5 naked beautiful women and myself, he would choose me. Why does this happen to me? Why?


On the bright side, they added my cake to the birthday wall!


My day just kept getting better. Roughly 1 minute before I reached my driveway, my car ran out of gas. It was a monsoon, and I had to wait 80 millions years for AAA to come rescue me.


Then Dylan came over and yelled at me.


He also brought a beautiful pipe that I think is shaped like a rat (Willard), but he swears is a blowfish.



Then we went to see this very scary place in Rehoboth (but possibly Seekonk--the border was unclear). I cannot provide you with details until Ian returns from Ireland and sees it for himself. It must remain a mystery! However, we decided to do this at midnight in the middle of a flood. Here you can see us dying.


Now I am drinking Snapple. This fact freaks me out for some reason.

Snapshot Sunday

Today was Lilly's baptism. I was transporting rice in the passenger seat, so Jared sat in the back. Then he sat in the front and got rice juice all over his pants and it was really quite unfortunate.


Then we went to church and saw Lilly get water on her head.


Jared and I still don't understand how grown, educated adults attend mass and think it's factual/real instead of being exactly like Santa Claus. On the bright side, the church itself was exceptionally beautiful.


I really hope no one saw us do this.


Then we went to the hall. These chocolate lollipops made the cutest centerpieces.


Look and Lilly and her uncle! So adorable.


Then we left early because the entire party was like watching a soap opera. We went back to Jared's house where we acquired a child. Long story short: today is our 9 month anniversary so it was very clear to me that when this mouse fell out of Jared's closet, it symbolized the child I have been secretly carrying inside me throughout the duration of our relationship. Also, when we went to Virginia, we made up an imaginary friend named Willard, who is a rat that loves Jesus, pecan pie, and Internet fetish forums. So...I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're insane and Jared is really good at sewing.


Mother and baby.


Proud father and son.

See ya never.

Snapshot Sunday

Saturday was my wonderful boyfriend's 24th birthday. So I went over to celebrate, and little Lilly was there! Is she not the most perfect thing you've ever seen?


Abby was also there, except she was very sad because her father is hunting in Ohio and she misses him. We sat by the fire all night. And then I made Jared go to Taco Bell so I could try a chicken flatbread sandwich. Please do yourself a favor and NEVER buy one. It was possibly the grossest thing I've ever consumed.



Here's the "Happy Birthday" performance/Jared being mad at me for taking a video.


I slept over, and then the next morning, which is today, which is Sunday...we went to Shawmut Diner for breakfast. My waffle was good but my home fries were not. This is Jared gasping at something rude I said and/or did, which is a constant occurrence in our relationship. PS- isn't he so cute in his new shirt that I bought him?


For unknown reasons, we needed to get slush puppies from somewhere, but they apparently don't exist so we had to settle for a slush thingy from Cumby's. ANYWAY, Cumby's = gas station = scratch tickets = my obsession = I had $4 = I bought 2 cashwords & won $5!


Then I went home and checked to see if the grades were posted from my English class. I saw this announcement and was like "Mmmm yup, I definitely bombed this assignment."


But then I clicked on the A papers and saw my name. And died. Because before I actually wrote the paragraph, I spent 2 hours writing about how I couldn't possibly write the paragraph because I really really didn't want to write it.


After dying, I took the most glorious nap. It was such a perfect nap day.


Then I went to work and was very excited to see that the calendar was flipped to October, which, as everybody knows, is the best month of the year.


After work I stopped by Kelli & Ed's to work out the hours/rates for babysitting little Izabelle. And then I went home and made the most delicious garlic bread I've ever tasted. Nomnomnomnom.

Time to watch Freakonomics and sleep forever. See ya!

Residue

the machine spits out water
i wonder where it comes from
the same place the sun comes from, i decide
the light coiled in a ray
like a terrible snake
that finds me through the crack
in my bed frame

it must be eight, or nine, even
i have errands but
sink into the mattress
instead, on wednesday morning

i open a bottle over my palm
and dip my nose in water
a half-assed remedy
for an imagined disease
who will i love tomorrow?

a question breeding the sort of
discomfort that lingers
in the pillowcases
that i remove
in the middle of the night

i find them in the morning--
the residue of unfinished dreams
crowding my floor

Snapshot Sunday

Sunday morning, Gina came home and we wrapped Kristin's presents. The picture is foggy because I moved the camera from my -30 degree room to the 900 degree dining room and it got sweaty.


Then we went to North Dartmouth for Kristin's baby shower and it was so CUTE, even if it was very awkward and I kept telling Jared to come because we didn't know anyone. Jared's grandpa dragged out the trash like it was a leashed dog and kept doing the kissy "COME HERE, DOGGY" thing. It was the most adorable and hilarious thing ever. Also, there were really delicious crackers and chicken wings.


After the shower, Gina made Jared keep me, and we saw rock thingies by the water. Which Jared said we could not swim in. Rude.


Then, even though I had no idea where I was, I said "LET'S GO TO CIRCA" because my Circa senses were apparently kicking in and we were literally right in front of the building so we went to Circa. I really need this slot machine, which is ONLY $250. What a baaaaahgin.


Here we have Jared's quest for a cool hat. This one was too small.


Pretty hat boxes.


This train station was evidently used in some sort of movie, and I really wanted to buy it. I don't actually think it's for sale (and it's a bajillion dollars if it is), but how does a store acquire such a thing, and what purpose does it truly serve except for existing?


The creepiest doll ever.


Then I had to pee so we went to Stop & Shop. When we walked down the cracker aisle I remembered how delicious the cracker sticks at Kristin's shower were so I made Jared call his mom and ask what they were. She said she bought them at Job Lot, but I picked up the Stop & Shop version anyway, hoping they'd be similar. They were not. They were also stale and very very bad. I was pissed. I was even more pissed when Jared made fun of me for taking a picture of the cracker and then made up the caption for the photo, as if I'm fucking predictable or some shit. HMPH.


For dinner we ordered Little Chopsticks. After telling Jared how delicious the Sesame chicken is for 5 months straight, he finally got to have it, except this time it was not very good. :(


Then we went to bed and when I woke up I told Jared to make me bacon, but he also made crepes which were very delicious.


I went to work and when I got home I found Sarah, Dylan, and Ian. And we went to my bedroom which Sarah fawned over even though it's an ugly room.


Ian took off his shoes and we all died because it was so smelly and while I was retrieving foot deodorant spray, Dylan kindly used MY deodorant to rub on Ian's feet. Why why why why?


Disturbing flexibility demonstration part II.



I leave you with a video featuring Ms. Kelly's 10th grade lesson of the way "DANK" sounds compared to "marshmallow," as well as the desperate and freaky men of the free chatline.