Residue

the machine spits out water
i wonder where it comes from
the same place the sun comes from, i decide
the light coiled in a ray
like a terrible snake
that finds me through the crack
in my bed frame

it must be eight, or nine, even
i have errands but
sink into the mattress
instead, on wednesday morning

i open a bottle over my palm
and dip my nose in water
a half-assed remedy
for an imagined disease
who will i love tomorrow?

a question breeding the sort of
discomfort that lingers
in the pillowcases
that i remove
in the middle of the night

i find them in the morning--
the residue of unfinished dreams
crowding my floor

One, through, three

The man with the secret:
I look out the window
to the place on the
driveway where
we sat and your eyes were
brimming with acceptance
so much, too much
that you don't consider me
anymore
false only because
you never did

The man with the apple:
your lolling metaphors
do not make me ill
and the disillusions we
feast upon
are enough to murder
the indolence of
a common mind
and I tell you I need
oxygen
and you nod from your
windowless buildings
will your head fall off?

The man with the sounds:
the question marks you
form
at the end of every word
cause convulsions
like the pauses between
the songs on the
discs I play
that you make for me
when I am not around


and I don't know what to do
with the coffee cups that clatter
when I turn corners;
they are hidden under
a seat in my car

so I leave them there.

Purpose

You got in my car and
we drove to the ocean
and you noticed
the moon.

You laughed at my stories
and we went to
your apartment.

You touched me
and I watched the plant
in a pot painted
with starved letters
spelling, begging
"grow."

I fell out of your door
and thought about
the words you said.
I swear I do these things
on purpose.

You told me it was lonely here.
I passed a girl on the way out;
she had a scarf
and she was pretty
but she lowered her eyelids
and I don't blame her
one bit
and yes,
it is lonely here.

October, revisited.

There are crickets and the sun is falling.

I couldn't breathe,
and it felt similar to that feeling where hours of laughter subside into the occasional chuckle.
So I did what anyone would do at a time like this-
I shoved my window open and thrust my arms out to become October.
Is this where I went wrong?

Maybe I'm just angry at the breath you merge with mine.

Baffled

Goals for the fall semester:
-Visit Stowe or Burlington/admire the gorgeous foliage
-Navigate my way through a haunted corn maze
-Pick apples
-Fall in love
-Wear sweaters
-Get accepted to FSEHD
-Join some sort of club
-See a psychologist
-Meet new friends
-Visit my grandparents more often
-Get arrested with Dylan Klegraefe

Halt

I blindfolded you and delicately painted my lips over yours.
I was acting, like I always do.
You shuddered, and had I been able to see your eyes, they would have rolled back into their sockets.

I fucked you and it was your birthday.
I hate you because I played my favorite song
and all you could say was "This is stupid."
You would have changed your answer had you known.
Love me, love me, love me.

Your very first mistake was giving me the illusion of power.
But how could you have known, from your shelf above the washing machine?

I am standing at the corner of February as I consider my hands.

You read the letter I addressed to your neighbor;
I wiggled my eyebrows and you snorted.
Later, you pretended to sleep and I
crept into the kitchen to pour
a glass of water.
With your eyes still closed,
you commanded my return.
I know because the creases of
your forehead were unchanged.
"Spell a word on my arm," I whispered.
In summer, you traced "butterfly" and "love."
By winter, it was a stupid game
and I was just a stupid girl.
"Do you know what my hands look like?"
But you were asleep this time,
and now I was the one pretending.

April is not at all the cruelest month.

I went to the bookstore today, but they only had one of the books I needed. When I got home, my mother informed me that my brother was assigned to write a poem:

John Cabot
found a rabbit
he got lost
and he was the boss


I thought it was cute.