Friday, April 30, 2010


I smiled at the warmth and stillness that greeted me when I left the store. I opened my car door and put the key in the ignition and I breathed. It smelled so, so familiar-- my perfume mixed with the scent of summer and car and the air freshener swinging behind the ugly blue bird. How many times had I turned that key last summer? Thousands, at least.

For years, my entire life revolved around shifting in and out of park. It was exciting and it was lonely and it was nauseating. The trips "there" were always fine; it was the ride home that was responsible for destruction. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I feel like these past few years define me. I remember places, but not names. I can't even count them. It makes me ill.

Tonight, the ride home is not very long but it is long enough, and now I have you and I have this radio, and I don't have to hate myself anymore because I could never hate anything you love.

How many songs are flung into the void nestled between hope and loss?

That is one answer I'll never care to know.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Go here. Admire how ADORABLE everything is. Why can't it all be mine? I absolutely need cupcake dental floss. How have I survived 2 centuries without it?

In a perfect world, I would bake and decorate cupcakes all day. I should open a bakery. I had a dream that I made a watermelon shaped cake last night and won a contest. It's a sign!

Right now I'm eating a corn muffin from Stop & Shop. I would advise against it. It tastes like every muffin from Stop & Shop, only with a weird grainy aftertaste. Ick ick ick.

And finally, let us review my list of goals to accomplish for the spring semester:

Goals for the spring semester:
-Pass Praxis II
I take them sometime in June/July.
-Go to the Brimfield Antique Show/Flea Market
-Have a picnic
Nighttime beach picnic!
-Fall in love (preferably with someone who loves me back)
Most important. Former, yes. Latter, unsure.
-Visit my grandparents more often
Visited them twice this month. Still need to go more often.
-Convince my parents to get a dog
No go.
-Steal a baby
I try on a daily basis and it never works.
-Make a burrito that does not taste like ass
-Stop being a fucking moron
Still as moronic as ever.
-Get arrested with Dylan Klegraefe
Nope. But we did kill each other in Vermont. So there's that.

Hm. That's better than I thought.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Sorted through my video folder today.

It makes me cry!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


The best post I have read all week and possibly ever:
click here

Read and love it.

I really, really need this. Why is it $189? That's gum for 150 days. I can't justify paying that much for something I'll only wear once.

I suppose it will also have to serve as my wedding dress.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Snapshot Sunday

This morning I had a romantic white trash breakfast with MYSELF (after Jared said "Hey, let's go get breakfast...actually, just kidding, I lied!").

I noticed that the kitchen was particularly disgusting.

So I cleaned it.

Then I took a shower.

And drove to work, where I took this picture and noticed that Jared and I are literally the same person. I guess this means we're grossly narcissistic, but I'm not complaining.

I also took this video, featuring a demon of an 80 year old man trying to make me late.

Then I attempted to study cell reproduction at the service desk.

But I was too engrossed in Jess's dramatic story about bitches who hit on other people's boyfriends. Intriguing.

Speaking of intriguing, here we have a captivating video of the gambling addiction Stop & Shop workers so tragically possess.

On break, I had a photoshoot with myself, which is extremely embarrassing.

But not as embarrassing as this disgusting Yakawapadapadoo shit. You call yourself a noodle?! Pfffft.

Now I'm avoiding homework and waiting for Jared to come sleep with me. He's late, as usual. Hate him forever. But also love him.

The end.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Snapshot Sunday

I made these adorable cupcakes in the morning, which everyone devoured in my absence, leaving none for me.

Then I went to work and stole this pen, which is the best thing in the world.

After work, my dad grilled cheeseburgers. This is my ketchup and lettuce sandwich, with a morsel of hamburger. Jared made fun of it, but it was delicious.

This is Jared mid-bite, laughing at me being a creeper.

These are our wedding rings (note Jared's freaky hand on the right).

Here we have Jared being a little too sassy for my liking.

And so, punishment was served via boob smothering. Unsurprisingly, he neglected to adjust his attitude. Some people just never learn.

Then we ventured downstairs, where I attempted to make Jared sit through a particularly riveting episode of 19 Kids & Counting...

however, he insisted upon playing some fucked up game with CJ (which revolves around murdering a stick figure). Then my mom stumbled in completely drunk, and screamed "OOOOOOOOOOOOH! JARED HAS HIS ARM AROUND YOU! HEHEEHEHEHEHE!"

And so, I leave you with this:

Thursday, April 8, 2010


save eloquence: What did you argue about?
sinecurist: Well
sinecurist: I took a crap and clogged the toilet and I was in the middle of plunging it and she threw a fit about me being so dumb and lazy and horrible
save eloquence: LMFAO
sinecurist: It was so ridiculous
sinecurist: She was like screaming at the toilet
sinecurist: At like 3AM
sinecurist: Then she was like yelling at my dad
sinecurist: "Your fucking son's so stupid he doesn't even know what to eat to shit normal and it's not my problem and you need to do something about it!!!!"

I am confident that this will be me in 10 years.
I love being absolutely psychotic.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I said to Chris, I said...

This video will be the death of me.