You are...

a terrible, terrible person.
And I hope you know that.

Lying about your father being hospitalized?
Have some fucking dignity, you swine.

I am positively thrilled that I didn't fuck you before you vanished to Florida.

You will get yours, my dear.

Accent

I just made my first big commitment ever. The nearly $500/month payment is probably a little more than I can comfortably afford, but I'm still excited.

My mother was wonderful at being a bitch to the salesman. I still don't quite understand why being rude gets you whatever you want, but it's certainly impressive. Without further ado, I present you with the latest product of my insanity:

Recent

This summer has been relatively dull, but relaxing. Having the house to myself is wonderful; it has also been the cause of my latest obsession with baking.

I'm looking forward to the Fall semester- I'll be taking lots more English classes, and I'll be applying to the Feinstein School of Education. I can't wait until I have a classroom of my own!

I want to be in love more than anything. I realized the other day that if I'm constantly searching for someone, I'm bound to overlook some of the amazing people who are already part of my life. I did meet a great guy, though. He has the most beautiful daughter, and we all know I've always wanted someone with a baby to mooch off of! Here's a picture of little Melody.

Isn't she such a doll? I could just eat her up!

Still

It is so strange to realize that something so familiar- a mannerism or a memory or a fold of skin- does not belong to only you. Some, perhaps many, people have delighted and taken comfort in these very things. The stairs I have descended for 15 years are the same stairs my brother travels daily. The freckle on your lover's shoulder has been admired by someone else. The most beautiful song, the one you like to listen to as your car creaks and shudders down a desolate road, is adored by thousands of people. The way your mother's eyes smile has been witnessed long before you ever existed. And while this is wonderful and this is true, it is also cruel and it is lonely.

"Where can we go from here?" you asked, but you had been there before.

And that has made the difference.

Pretend

My family is going away until September, which is the best thing that could ever possibly happen in my life.

As we all know, I adore playing house. I love cooking and cleaning and watching Oprah and folding laundry. I'm going to persuade my friends to stop by with frequency (for the sole purpose of setting out baked goods on the table).

I'm also hoping to finish my room. I've been "painting" since May, and I still haven't put up the first coat. It's just that I'm horrible at staying in the lines, and I want it to be perfect. It's going to look awful, just as it always has.

In other news, I changed my blog's layout. Opinions?

Removal

After much evaluation, I have decided to rid my life of all its toxins.

I will not mull over men who want nothing to do with me.
I will realize that people don't care what my hair looks like.
I will stop eating gross things.
I will not have sex with people I don't care about.
I will make an effort to move and explore more.
I will attempt to think positively.
I will not be held by invisible boundaries.
I will replace complaints with solutions.
I will spend more time with my friends and family.
I will believe people when they tell me I am beautiful.
I will be kind, but not naive.
I will trust, but maintain a level of privacy.
I will love.
I will sing.
I will smile.

And this will be enough.

Halt

I blindfolded you and delicately painted my lips over yours.
I was acting, like I always do.
You shuddered, and had I been able to see your eyes, they would have rolled back into their sockets.

I fucked you and it was your birthday.
I hate you because I played my favorite song
and all you could say was "This is stupid."
You would have changed your answer had you known.
Love me, love me, love me.

Your very first mistake was giving me the illusion of power.
But how could you have known, from your shelf above the washing machine?