Highlight

It's very cloudy today.
I am feeling more disoriented than I ever have before.





My dreams grow more and more lucid.

"Not even the human
imagination satisfies
the endless emptiness of the soul."

Bright

I had my first day of classes yesterday. I'd forgotten how much I missed school. My first class was aesthetics (Matt's in my class), and I made him come to campus a half hour early so I wouldn't have to walk in alone/in front of other people. He wasn't thrilled, but he conceded after I agreed to buy him lunch. We sat in awkward silence until the professor came in. I kept wanting to laugh, but I didn't. Our professor has the cutest accent, and he says the word "sex" as much as possible. Perfection.

After aesthetics, I plucked my eyebrows in the parking lot, which Matt didn't appreciate. I made him come to my English class with me, so he did. And then he left to go to his class. My English professor is quite possibly my favorite person ever. She's vibrant and quirky and dramatic, and she hates forced poetry. A woman after my own heart! This class is the first course for all English majors/concentrations, so everyone there enjoys the subject, which is fabulous. I always feel so comfortable in English classes.

I have this massive gap between English and my next class (4 hours), so I went to visit mom at the store. I helped her cover the service desk break, and then we went to lunch. After that, I went to the off-campus bookstore and purchased 9000 books. I still had 2 hours to kill, so I went to Prospect Park and started reading Nine Stories. A lady walking a dog noticed what I was reading and told me all about her favorite story. She was lovely, and her dog was adorable.

At 4, I had Schooling in a Democratic Society, which is my first education course. It's a 4 hour class, which seemed daunting, but it ended up passing by with relative swiftness. We're required to complete 15 hours of service learning in a Providence public school, which I'm excited about. Guess what we have to do to document and reflect upon this assignment? Write a blog! You have no idea how thrilled I was.

It is September 1st, which marks the meteorological start of fall! I do believe a celebration honoring the autumnal equinox is in order on the 22nd. ;)

Imperialist swine

Last night I dreamt there was a pig wandering about the house. Laughable at first, until fear set in. It tore down all my doors. Vulnerable and violated.

I weep in waves
and hide between
the
spaces
of the words
we...

You have been missing for so, so long.



All I do is wander.

Shiny

:




October, please come soon.




:

July, July!

I don't need you.
Please don't ever think that I do.







And the water rolls down the drain...

And so...

I give up. I just don't give a fuck anymore.

Kiss my ass, world!

First

You were incredible. Taller than I imagined, and so terribly sweet. I was nervous, and my insecurities did nothing to help the situation. You were so warm; I felt like I could just melt into you. I regretted our actions halfway through; you were inside me but I hardly knew you. And that's all I wanted. To know you.

You held my hand, and I resisted at first, uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. We passed the man dressed as a statue of an angel, and he was so beautiful I could have cried. You bought me flowers. It confused me- people don't buy me flowers. I felt so undeserving, but all I could do was thank you.

I am still picking apart the conversation we had at Boloco (if that's even the correct name). I was embarrassed to talk about my problems at first, but the more I opened up to you, the better I felt. You challenged my theories and statements, which I adored, since people seldom do.

When we sat at the adorable Italian cafe, I studied your face. I couldn't stop thinking about how handsome you were. I felt such tenderness for you, but I couldn't understand why. I'm generally very bitter and pessimistic about these things. Today, at work, I remembered when you asked "Do you know what's not going to be there when we get back?" and I asked "What?" and you replied "A ticket," and I smiled to myself at my register.

I never wanted it to end, you know. It was such a lovely night- not too warm and the moon was devastatingly bright. I can still see the branches sway above me as we rocked in your hammock. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't cried. You were comforting and safe and you understood and what I want to do is thank you. Thank you a million times over, even if you never feel anything for me.

It was better than hypothetical sweaters and apples and novels.