Wednesday, August 5, 2009


You were incredible. Taller than I imagined, and so terribly sweet. I was nervous, and my insecurities did nothing to help the situation. You were so warm; I felt like I could just melt into you. I regretted our actions halfway through; you were inside me but I hardly knew you. And that's all I wanted. To know you.

You held my hand, and I resisted at first, uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. We passed the man dressed as a statue of an angel, and he was so beautiful I could have cried. You bought me flowers. It confused me- people don't buy me flowers. I felt so undeserving, but all I could do was thank you.

I am still picking apart the conversation we had at Boloco (if that's even the correct name). I was embarrassed to talk about my problems at first, but the more I opened up to you, the better I felt. You challenged my theories and statements, which I adored, since people seldom do.

When we sat at the adorable Italian cafe, I studied your face. I couldn't stop thinking about how handsome you were. I felt such tenderness for you, but I couldn't understand why. I'm generally very bitter and pessimistic about these things. Today, at work, I remembered when you asked "Do you know what's not going to be there when we get back?" and I asked "What?" and you replied "A ticket," and I smiled to myself at my register.

I never wanted it to end, you know. It was such a lovely night- not too warm and the moon was devastatingly bright. I can still see the branches sway above me as we rocked in your hammock. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't cried. You were comforting and safe and you understood and what I want to do is thank you. Thank you a million times over, even if you never feel anything for me.

It was better than hypothetical sweaters and apples and novels.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I couldn't ever compete with that so I'm not going to try. But I want you to know that you are worth every second, every penny, and every smile we shared that night, and more.

I'm so happy that we met by chance. I'm so honored to be in your life. And I'm so touched that you want to be in mine.

And I have a feeling it only gets better from here. :)