July, July!

I don't need you.
Please don't ever think that I do.







And the water rolls down the drain...

And so...

I give up. I just don't give a fuck anymore.

Kiss my ass, world!

First

You were incredible. Taller than I imagined, and so terribly sweet. I was nervous, and my insecurities did nothing to help the situation. You were so warm; I felt like I could just melt into you. I regretted our actions halfway through; you were inside me but I hardly knew you. And that's all I wanted. To know you.

You held my hand, and I resisted at first, uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. We passed the man dressed as a statue of an angel, and he was so beautiful I could have cried. You bought me flowers. It confused me- people don't buy me flowers. I felt so undeserving, but all I could do was thank you.

I am still picking apart the conversation we had at Boloco (if that's even the correct name). I was embarrassed to talk about my problems at first, but the more I opened up to you, the better I felt. You challenged my theories and statements, which I adored, since people seldom do.

When we sat at the adorable Italian cafe, I studied your face. I couldn't stop thinking about how handsome you were. I felt such tenderness for you, but I couldn't understand why. I'm generally very bitter and pessimistic about these things. Today, at work, I remembered when you asked "Do you know what's not going to be there when we get back?" and I asked "What?" and you replied "A ticket," and I smiled to myself at my register.

I never wanted it to end, you know. It was such a lovely night- not too warm and the moon was devastatingly bright. I can still see the branches sway above me as we rocked in your hammock. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't cried. You were comforting and safe and you understood and what I want to do is thank you. Thank you a million times over, even if you never feel anything for me.

It was better than hypothetical sweaters and apples and novels.

Snapshot Sunday

Max lounged around all morning.

While I was cleaning, I discovered CJ's sunflower had been neglected. Tragic!

Then I did an hour of Cardioke. It was surprisingly enjoyable!

For lunch, I had a salad with oranges, raspberry vinegarette and toasted ramen.

You are...

a terrible, terrible person.
And I hope you know that.

Lying about your father being hospitalized?
Have some fucking dignity, you swine.

I am positively thrilled that I didn't fuck you before you vanished to Florida.

You will get yours, my dear.

Accent

I just made my first big commitment ever. The nearly $500/month payment is probably a little more than I can comfortably afford, but I'm still excited.

My mother was wonderful at being a bitch to the salesman. I still don't quite understand why being rude gets you whatever you want, but it's certainly impressive. Without further ado, I present you with the latest product of my insanity:

Recent

This summer has been relatively dull, but relaxing. Having the house to myself is wonderful; it has also been the cause of my latest obsession with baking.

I'm looking forward to the Fall semester- I'll be taking lots more English classes, and I'll be applying to the Feinstein School of Education. I can't wait until I have a classroom of my own!

I want to be in love more than anything. I realized the other day that if I'm constantly searching for someone, I'm bound to overlook some of the amazing people who are already part of my life. I did meet a great guy, though. He has the most beautiful daughter, and we all know I've always wanted someone with a baby to mooch off of! Here's a picture of little Melody.

Isn't she such a doll? I could just eat her up!