Flood

I've been in my bed all day, so I had no idea that the entire state of RI is under water.

Look at the little puppy being evacuated! Someone should float him to me. He's so CUTE. Hopefully all the worms have drowned. That's what you get for trying to torment me, you sick fucks.

My basement is currently a river. It's disgusting and swampy. On the bright side, RIC has canceled all classes after 1PM. I secretly want to be pulled out of my house in an inflatable boat. Is that weird?

I need to stop procrastinating.

I had a dream that I got stuck in the ocean, and then I swam to an island. And rode on the back of a hippo. Who then tried to eat me. I distinctly remember saying "HOLD ON! I have to take a picture of you trying to eat me so Jared can see because he is SO not going to believe I rode a hippo!"

Fin.

Squirmation

Shall we take a gander at Saturday & Sunday's forecast?

Rain is superb, don't get me wrong. And how can I truly complain with the warm temperatures and sunshine as of late? I will concede that rain is ideal for crosswords and being in love and cuddling.
HOWEVER.

It is not nice for functioning as a normal human being.
The worms are coming, dear readers.

Let us pray.

4 in the morning

It becomes increasingly clear to me that Newport and The Decemberists belong together. But only when it is dark outside. It is an experience you are not likely to shake anytime soon.

We took CK out to pee, and you were looking for a worm to take back to your lizard. I ran away, escaping through an oddly formed gap in the fence. I walked past mini-mansions and it wasn't very cold and I felt like I was living in a different era. I paced that foreign street for the longest time; dim lights of the privileged spilling out from under doors as you shouted to come back please because you missed the way you had to lean in close to hear anything I ever said and besides, you couldn't find a worm anyway.

Dry/crispy chicken

It is currently 2AM, and I will probably delete this once I come to my senses.

BUT.



It should be known that we are comedians.

That is all.

Baffled

Goals for the fall semester:
-Visit Stowe or Burlington/admire the gorgeous foliage
-Navigate my way through a haunted corn maze
-Pick apples
-Fall in love
-Wear sweaters
-Get accepted to FSEHD
-Join some sort of club
-See a psychologist
-Meet new friends
-Visit my grandparents more often
-Get arrested with Dylan Klegraefe

At last

The rain has stopped. Mostly.

Today was a good day. I missed my first class due to an insane amount of traffic on 195, so I spent a few hours at River Road studying by the water. On the way to my afternoon class, I passed by a bunch of preschoolers from Henry Barnard hunting for Easter eggs. They were so tiny and excited and perfect and loud. One little boy dropped his egg, and another boy snatched it before he could put it back in his basket. I thought he was going to burst into tears when a girl standing nearby (who had witnessed the entire situation) handed one of her eggs to the boy. "Here," she said, "you can have mine!"

The rest of my day consisted of delicious pizza and more studying and cute text messages.

I have been wrong thousands of times before, but I think things with this boy are going to work out. He is terribly, terribly sweet. And for whatever reason, he thinks I'm great, too.

Edit: I was looking at the things people google when they stumble upon my site. For the month of March, someone found me by googling "vagi sprouts." I'm both amused and frightened.

Worms

I've just decided that winter is the only acceptable season. I foolishly longed for spring, forgetting one major detail- worms.

To say I despise worms would be an understatement. They are the most hideous, vile creatures I've ever seen (besides snakes and centipedes and other worm-like abominations). This hatred runs deep, and is triumphed only by extreme fear. When it rains, my whole day is ruined.
Yesterday, for example, was cloudy all morning and afternoon. This was not problematic. I went to my classes and then worked later that evening. While I was at work, it started to rain. My heart sank, and I prayed that when I got out, someone at home would be awake to move the worms. After work, I walked to my car. As a rule, apartments and parking lots are fine places to walk when it rains. This is because there is typically very little soil, which makes for a glorious, worm-free environment. To my surprise, both Mom and Dylan were waiting in the Stop & Shop parking lot. My mom had apparently carpooled for a benefit dinner and the pick up/drop off point was the store. Dylan was just waiting to hang out with me (with a chocolate chip cookie dough Frostie in hand!). "MOM! I'm so glad you're here. You're going to have to de-worm the driveway for me." She sighed and rolled her eyes, and we all drove home.

I pulled up to the driveway and turned my high beams on. I whimpered. There were at least 13 bastards creeping about. Dylan got out of the car, and I was in awe of his ability to calmly stand in a worm-infested driveway. My mom spotted one obvious critter and kindly moved it to the grass, but neglected to notice the remaining 12. She went inside and brought me "the boots," which are giant, knee-high rubber boots I wear when worms come out. She placed them in the puddle beside my car, and I rolled down the window and screamed at her to remove them from the puddle (there were 2 worms having a field day in that fucking puddle). Convinced that one of the worms was attached to the bottom of the shoe, I refused to let the boots come in the car. My mother, livid with my irrationality, threw the door open and shoved the boots inside. I was on the verge of tears, positive that there was a worm in my car and that it was going to crawl all over me and I was going to die of a heart attack. My dad came out and offered to carry me, so I shoved my feet in the damn boots, closed my eyes, and ran like hell to the door.

I cannot live my life like this anymore. Did you know that this morning, I skipped class because I knew there would be worms on campus and no one would be around to move them?

Why worms? I mean, snakes are easily avoidable, and spiders aren't necessarily abundant (visibily, at least).

Someone help.