Sunday, May 22, 2011


So I get home from work, high as a kite, and start cutting up some peppers to make Southwestern eggrolls. I turn my red bell pepper over and see a weird green thing peeking out. My heart sinks. I realize it's not moving, and it almost looks like a green bell pepper growing inside the red bell pepper. I look at it again and think it might possibly be a baby snake...or even worse, a huge fat green worm. I run over to the computer and google this phenomenon, and sure enough, someone else has come across it.

I especially love this comment: "A pepper baby! The first time I ever saw one, I was 19 years old and cooking dinner while tripping my brains out (this was a Very Long Time Ago). It was... freaky. I've seen hundreds and hundreds of pepper babies since then, and every time I get a little shivery feeling across my scalp remembering my first."

It's comforting to know I'm not the only ulcer on society freaking out about a bell pepper baby worm/alien/growth/tumor.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

"I like you. You're articulate, warm, receptive, calm, knowledgeable, intelligent. I would love to hire you. However, we don't have any families right now that fit into your availability. If your school schedule changes, give me a call."

I wish she had said "YOU SUCK, I'M NOT HIRING YOU." So frustrated right now. I tried so hard to change my schedule around, but the classes I need to take are all over the place, and there's no possible way I could arrange them so they're all before 3pm.

I'm also kind of upset because I told her my availability on the phone, and she told me there was nothing, and then called me the next day for an interview saying there might be a family with a similar schedule.

I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Superficial Drug Addicts Anonymous D & K

"I feel like a literal re these days."
"Don't you just feel even more stupid than usual sometimes?"
"Yeah, I haven't smoked in forever though."
"Me either! If that's the reason then what have our lives come to?"
"I feel like all the thrill and happiness of life has been sucked out of me because I have no weed and no way to get weed."
"Jesus Christ...welp, time to kill ourselves."
"Can we please?"
"Yes, but we have to be tan first."