Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I've been in my bed all day, so I had no idea that the entire state of RI is under water.

Look at the little puppy being evacuated! Someone should float him to me. He's so CUTE. Hopefully all the worms have drowned. That's what you get for trying to torment me, you sick fucks.

My basement is currently a river. It's disgusting and swampy. On the bright side, RIC has canceled all classes after 1PM. I secretly want to be pulled out of my house in an inflatable boat. Is that weird?

I need to stop procrastinating.

I had a dream that I got stuck in the ocean, and then I swam to an island. And rode on the back of a hippo. Who then tried to eat me. I distinctly remember saying "HOLD ON! I have to take a picture of you trying to eat me so Jared can see because he is SO not going to believe I rode a hippo!"


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Snapshot Sunday

At midnight, I convinced Jared it was a brilliant idea to come over and make waffles & home fries. This is him holding a spoony thing while babysitting the potatoes.

Pictured above are Jared's delicious home fries with 3 eggos, since my waffles came out with a flavor reminiscent of cardboard soaked in cinnamon-laced sewage.

Here we have Jared insisting that all things must end up in sandwich form (why he used the aforementioned abomination as a vehicle for otherwise scrumptious items is beyond me).


Then we cuddled and fell asleep. All I remember is murmuring something like "ALL I WANT TO DO IS WAKE UP NEXT TO YOU AND SAY HI AND LOVE YOU!"

At approximately 5AM, I heard my mother showering for work. And had a heart attack, because my father would have killed the entire world if he realized Jared "slept over," even though we're married and 80 years old. So bleary-eyed and miserable, I was forced to sneak Jared out and release him into the wild. I'm still not sure why it would be perfectly fine for him to be in my bed at 3, but not at 5. It's like the rising sun makes any form of contact forbidden.

At 4, I went to work. And made this Lost & Found box, which does not fit in the cupboard horizontally, so my life essentially has no purpose.

Raspberry lemonade & losing scratch tickets on break.

I got home at 8:30, where I was greeted by these atrocious boots. They're a "gift" from Mother Dearest, who is determined to make me go to class in spite of 90 inches of rain (worms).

Then I turned around and saw these, which my brother (brimming with excitement) offered me. WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS LIFE?!

Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now...I am dead.
^ This is my new theme song. Terribly poetic, no?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

AntiSinecurist: I can't remember you being like this about a guy, like, ever.


In other news, I have no friends. I really really REALLY wanted to make waffles & home fries tonight, but then I'll have nothing to put in my Snapshot Sunday post tomorrow.

Also, I won $10. But spent $11. So, not really, then.


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Snapshot Sunday

Saturday became Sunday at Jared's. Where there was: a fire, a soulful cover of "I'm on a Boat," revolting bratwurst, cheap lemon vodka, and 90 trips to the bathroom.

I got home at 4 in the morning, which resulted in oversleeping and eating ghetto honeycombs while speeding to work.

Baby naming contests on break, with a lettuce sandwich.

Then I came home and ate this pitiful dinner, because pork chops are gross.

Now I'm staring at this wall and dreading tomorrow.

And also wondering why there is a ladder in my room.

Friday, March 19, 2010

It's a quarter after 2...

This post is going to be super creepy. But I think I'm beyond that, since I'm certain I've creeped you out 1000x more in the past. I love every minute you're around, even if we only ever say "Hiiiiiiii" five million times. I constantly worry that we're going to run out of things to say to each other (or that we already have), and that you're going to realize you don't actually want me around anymore. I honestly cannot picture myself with anyone else. And that terrifies me.

In conclusion, you're really, really cute.

And if you could maybe make this face in front of my eyeballs at all times, I would greatly appreciate it.

The end.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I want this painting in the worst way.

Why must it be $75?

Meep meep.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Snapshot Sunday

Lotions & potions at 9am.

A disgusting and pathetic bagel for breakfast.

After consumption, I opened the door and assessed the worm situation. There were MILLIONS, or, as CJ announced "a whole colony!" This is me barking worm-removal directions from the doorway.

Then I went to work. And it was terrible. This photo was taken during my break with Smiley, moments before a little girl threw up all over my shoe.

After work, Mom and I went to New Bedford to have dinner with Jared, which went well and was not as awkward as I anticipated. Then Jared and I peed at Stop & Shop, exchanged letters (which said the same thing), drove, got swallowed by waves at Horseneck, drove, andddddd drove. None of these have anything to do with the video, but you should completely watch the entire thing just to see Jared sing Usher. It is fantastic.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

All I want

is to see my lover play live.

Why can't it happen?! Does anyone know? I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. He is the only man I will ever love eternally.

I should have gone to the Newport Folk Festival when I had the chance. It is my biggest REGRET. So, if anyone in this world would like to bring me to Colin, I would greatly appreciate it.

That is all.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Shall we take a gander at Saturday & Sunday's forecast?

Rain is superb, don't get me wrong. And how can I truly complain with the warm temperatures and sunshine as of late? I will concede that rain is ideal for crosswords and being in love and cuddling.

It is not nice for functioning as a normal human being.
The worms are coming, dear readers.

Let us pray.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Today was an eerily pleasant day.

I feel like my new exfoliant had some sort of placebo effect and tricked me into thinking all is well in the world. Admittedly, my skin does seem a bit softer. It was also exceptionally lovely outside, which I suspect had something to do with my inexplicable contentedness.

In other news, I totally left the house and went to class in an ugly hoodie and grandma scarf. It was comfortable and warm, and guess what? No one noticed/cared, and the world did not implode.

Lastly, I kind of want to see this. And by kind of, I mean I CAN'T WAIT and I'm forcing Jared to come see it with me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Snapshot Sunday

Today was really, really boring.

I woke up at 11, and sang obnoxiously until noon. My favorite part is CJ's indifferent "byeeeeee." I have trained him well.

Then I attempted to eat this, but it was so nasty that I had to throw it away.

My mom went to the union meeting, and brought home this paper. I'll be getting a much needed $400 check soon. It's about time Stop & Shop does something decent.

Then I watched a makeup tutorial on the Red Queen. I am SO being her for Halloween.

I went to work at 2:30, where I snatched a seemingly orgasmic pen from the register behind me. I performed the scribble test, and it completely surpassed the high expectations I had imagined. I pocketed it immediately (only after expressing my love on receipt tape/photographing the entire display, of course).

This is Cristina giving the mention of the walking catpiss armpit's arrival a look of death.

And last, but not certainly not least, we have an after work salad/so-disgusting-it's-ungodly-delicious burrito combo.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

I love you

Can you be straight so we can sit in shitty breakfast places and laugh hysterically at packets of cream that fall into my lap forever and ever? You are the only person who is fun and who understands. You have to marry me. Our children would be so fucked.

That is all.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

4 in the morning

It becomes increasingly clear to me that Newport and The Decemberists belong together. But only when it is dark outside. It is an experience you are not likely to shake anytime soon.

We took CK out to pee, and you were looking for a worm to take back to your lizard. I ran away, escaping through an oddly formed gap in the fence. I walked past mini-mansions and it wasn't very cold and I felt like I was living in a different era. I paced that foreign street for the longest time; dim lights of the privileged spilling out from under doors as you shouted to come back please because you missed the way you had to lean in close to hear anything I ever said and besides, you couldn't find a worm anyway.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


I was organizing folders (which is what I do when I'm supposed to be writing papers), and I stumbled upon this. It is probably the best drawing of all time, even if we do hate each other very much now.